Julius’ Review of ‘Fantastic Four’ (No Spoilers)

Fant4stic is one of the greatest superhero movies of all time. It has everything you would ever want in a comic book film. Bland acting, bad story, dumb villain, incoherent character motivation, and CGI that looks so laughably bad, it makes the Roger Corman version look amazing. When it comes to character, tone, and overall enjoyment, this is one of the most faithful comic book adaptations to come out since Batman and Robin  (1997). I loved this mov- AHHH AHHAHAHAHA!!! I’m sorry. I couldn’t do it any more, without bursting out laughing while writing this thing. Let’s get on with the real review.

For real this time.

When I first heard about the Fantastic Four reboot coming out, I was like “Hey! Maybe they could do it right this time!” Then, I heard about what was happening behind the scenes, and I was really sad. The filming of it kept on getting delayed, the director was having a tough time, the actors weren’t that into it,it wasn’t meant to be a “superhero movie,” and as they have done in the past, the studio kept meddling with the production. Before seeing a single trailer, I wanted the film rights to go back to Marvel (I still do).

I was not excited at all. Then, the first trailer came out, and I thought “Ok… maybe they have something here. This trailer is a ripoff of Interstellar, but at least they’re ripping off something that I hear is good.” (Just ask Angel) Then, I saw the movie… and then… well… let’s get into it.

As a fan.

I read comic books. I like the Fantastic Four quite a bit. I know a lot of people don’t, they think they’re stupid, but I happen to disagree. They’re the first family of superheroes, and the first mainstream book of Marvel Comics. I thought they deserved a great movie, since they were the kick starter of the Marvel Universe we know and love.

The Fantastic Four aren’t superheroes, at least they shouldn’t be on film. They’re space adventurers, scientists, and a family of people who happen to have powers and save the world from time to time.

When I say they aren’t superheroes, what I mean is, they aren’t the ones who usually go and stop the thugs from robbing banks. That’s what the other heroes are for. Their stories are like the ones from Star Trek, just with more action. Strange new worlds, new life, new civilizations, to boldly go- all that crap!  As a fan, I think the Fantastic Four belong on a fun adventure that could be on Earth, the Negative Zone, the Skrull home world, any where. Kind of like Doctor Who, just not as wacky.

The Fantastic Four would benefit highly from a movie that has a similar tone to Guardians of the Galaxy. The idea is just so ridiculous, it needs that wink and nudge humor. It’s not a film that should be taken that seriously.

This film hurt me as a fan because the people who pushed this thing out don’t care about us. They just want to hold on to the movie rights for some reason. I don’t understand why. They make less money on every film, and each one is worse than the last. That’s something referred to as “bad business.” You think Spider-Man had it bad at Sony? At least he had a few decent to good movies before he went back to Marvel. The F4 have nothing! No one knows how to do it. It pisses me off because without the F4, Marvel wouldn’t be the same, and people take that for granted. Now NO ONE wants a Fantastic Four film. Even if it was from Marvel, people would be cynical. You don’t believe me? How many people were “worried” before The Force Awakens because Disney was making it? How many people are still worried about Spider-Man, even though he’s in the best place he could be right now.

FOX doesn’t care about the fans. Only themselves, and Deadpool is NOT the exception to what I just said! Deadpool was denied by the higher ups at FOX. The same people who wanted his mouth shut. It’s a miracle that movie was even made and good! FOX looks down on comic book fans. They did it with Fant4stic. They just took their middle finger and stuck it in our face and ruined everything for the first family. If studio tells me to go fΘck myself, then I’ll say right back to them “F≡CK YOU!”

(That’s my rating)


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